Lesa Hollen - Alaskan Rose

Crazy Traveling Souls on Top of the World

2008-05-22T02:30:00.015-08:00

Life has been lived. We meet bards, musicians, pilots, seamstresses, wildlife, Iditarod mushers, flew around mountain fortresses, hiked enchanted forests, and the most important - looked into our inner selves. My hands are numb with emotion while I write this beautifully moving piece of life lived. There are so many enlightening and enthralling moments of discovery with such a taste of color and feeling, that it is making my heartache whilest I write a passage of life.
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Now playing: KT Tunstall - Suddenly I See
via FoxyTunes

These were going to be the last six days of Becci being in Alaska for at least three years and I needed time off and enjoy my graduation. We decided to roll together and embarked upon a truly exciting unique soul filling Alaskan Adventure. Thus I asked her what she wanted to see on the trip. She hadn't been to the Large Animal Research Animal Station or the Reindeer Research Program Fairbanks Farm http://reindeer.salrm.uaf.edu/ The calves were just being born and they are to adorable and tender and being able to capture the beautiful peaceful photos of their first days in this intriguing world was wonderful and full filling.

After visiting the fawns and muskox, we had to hit the famous Hot Licks. The beginning of all trips starts with ICECREAM!! I got the chocolate all over my face, what a hilarious mess. I am glad there were no photos, an alaskan women who can't handle her icecream go figure.

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Now playing: KT Tunstall - Through The Dark
via FoxyTunes

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Now playing: Beth Gibbons - Mysteries
via FoxyTunes

Bonfire of Farewell

2008-03-11T21:13:00.020-08:00

It was a bonfire of farewell of friends whom new Becci from the first day she arrived in Fairbanks during the UAF Forestry Contest. We meet her during a beautiful first snow fall of winter in Fairbanks and she leaving during the last cold spell of winter, with a heart felt fire of friendly souls.

We made the fairwell into an improvised birthday party with cake, candles to blow out, even had cute cone party hats.
We had a night full of laughter and fun with an electronic circular contraption game of charades with people from multiple nationalities. The darn thing had a timer that got faster and faster as the game progressed, and we were hard pressed to figure out how to depict what we wanted people to say.

That is one thing that is truly Alaskan is our love of life and spending it with our friends. There is nothing like listening and being with fellow human beings that are positive and full of life.
We also had a little bit of fireworks next to the bonfire. For a neuroscientist to say she only has a few fireworks, than you do not know your neurochemists. We or maybe just me in the beginning, started off with a few fireworks and didn't think it was too much of a problem of sending a few bottle rockets to the out house, while it was occupied. Well, little did I know, that the outhouse,until I used it later in the evening, had no darn front door and the bottle rockets could have ricocheted into the outhouse. Opps!, does this not reiterate the importance of communication.

Some of use just felt the good vibes flowing around and just had to post this great photo of "This is feeling good of being yourself and letting it flow".

The bonfire was full of warmth and a little bit of friendly wrestling going on. It took two people to pull one poor guy down.

Roomates got a little turned around and upside down, with everyone laughing and having a great time.

Being out by the bonfire we looked up and there was a beautiful aurora substorm beginning to build. We ran inside got the cameras and went to the road to watch the aurora have its own playful wrestling match. She danced and tumbled about in a beautiful rhythmic pattern of shapes and forms.

The colors of pale greens even had a bottom hint of light red flowing in congruent exotic shapes. One form that Becci caught for a brief moment in time was an angle.

Becci is off now on an adventure of a life time on the research vessel US Coast Guard Cutter Healy 430 ft ship in the dangerous and icy Bering Sea. Since it is on of the shallowest seas in the world, the swells can get up to 30 ft in only a few hours. She will be missed and we wish her good luck and a safe trip. If you want to see where the ship is in the Bering Sea you can go to the enclosed link for photos or page down to the google map I have embedded to update once a day, which is pretty cool. This is an experimental or
beta version of this function. Once you click on map and then click on Photos from Picasaweb you can see the photos, and click on weather to see temperature. If there are any problems please e-mail.

Link

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Eclipse in Life

2008-02-21T22:15:00.007-09:00

Tonight, what more I could have planed that could go wrong I didn't care and flowed with it. I went to learn how and play handball to be with someone, but it was the wrong type of handball and they didn't show up again. My hand is so swollen and bruised, oh well the dumb things we do for love. I do not understand why they do not use a perfectly good racquet to hit the darn thing is a mystery to me, like dating. Why people do the things they do is a complete mystery and just going with the flow and communicate has been the best recourse. To much time and assumptions can be made if you just don't ask what is going on. So, that was complete bust and went to sledding on the hill. Man that would have been alot of fun, if some people I left my sled with hadn't busted it. They were sledding on cardboard and I let them borrow my sled, oh well hope they had fun. It will not stop me from being kind again, since kindness is just a moment in time.

So, I just went with the flow and refused to let this crazy set of events get me down and I went to the Museum. I was infront of the UAF museum waiting for a talk on "13 ways to look at a glacier" and the moon was in the middle of the eclipse. I had brought along my binoculars and the shadows of the craters on the moon were a cool orange. The moon was a beautiful redish orange with a white sliver on the bottom, real cool. It was a trifecta of having Saturn and Regulus together. Finally the weather was nice and warm to be able to enjoy it.
People were walking up to the museum and I asked them if they wanted to borrow my binoculars. No one said no and it was neat meeting new people. The dean of my school said I should charge money or beer for the use of the binoculars. We were all laughing and enjoying the moment. I remembered someone giving me advise of not trying to catagorize a memory and just let it be, so I didn't even get out my camera and just enjoyed myself.
After the show, I went to the Marlin to finally get up on stage with Danelle playing guitar and sang Come Away with Me by Norah Jones. I finally got over my stage fright of playing by myself, instead of with a whole Choir like at Carnegie Hall. This was just as tough and lets just say we were apologizing to the crowd after we were done. We should have practiced more, but Danelle had practiced the lyrics and not the guitar piece, opps communication again rearing its ugly head. She is an excellent singer and her boyfriend even offered to help out to get us to practice some more. I really would like to do well and sing again with a little more practice. The feeling of accomplishment is wonderful and resounding in me to have enough courage to do this and to jump the huge hurtle is fantastic. Wow, the sense of self is astounding, since I really have never known fear until recently and have been trying to conquer this damn pain in the petunia feeling. I have one more hurtle and the fear has become a lot less and I am feeling more confident each day.

Alaskan Valentine's Day

2008-02-17T00:35:00.011-09:00

Valentine's Day is unique up here in Alaska, since we have such ingenious people and the beautiful scintillating Aurora. Someone had this ingenious idea to paint blue hearts along the walk from the dorms to lower campus, with an intermittent I Love You in the middle. Then in the big square in the middle of the campus a huge Heart around ten feet wide was filled in with initials MF. What a cool Alaskan gesture of love.

That is such a cool neat gesture of love and caring, you just smile and feel warm inside. Just like some of the people up here in Alaska, who help you when you need it and give advise if you ask for it. A friend told me to stay strong and true to myself and someone will come along who believes the way you do. Don't change your big and caring heart and bend to the crowds expectations or lost desires. It has not been easy when you have excellent hearing and overhear people's ridiculus conversations of not having the facts and just speculation. You wish they could spend that time asking questions and finding out about that person. I should practice what I preach, because I get nervous and start talking about myself instead of asking questions. This I have been trying to change and the first step is feeling comfortable with myself and stop trying to prove my worth. True people will accept you as you are and not try and change or manipulate you to what they want in life.

After watching Across the Universe at the Pub and listening to the song Hey Jude with the lyrics telling Jude the need for being too cool is gone and to let someone into your heart, was really poignant in my life right now. I was riding my bike home and rode right by someone that I had meet back when I had become Belle of the Woods. Hey Jude was singing in my head and I stopped and said Hi. We talked for a while and the Aurora started its beautiful flowing dance across the sky. It was flowing undulating right above us and it was nice to let my guard down for a while, enjoying the moment.

The spaceweather forcast for the night was pretty promising with the earth being in a coronal mass ejection and the interplanetary magnetic field pointing south, it looked like the aurora would be undulating in the sky for hours. So we loaded up the car with another friend and lovable dog, and off on a road trip up to Ester dome. That is part of why I love Alaska is the spontaneity of the people and nature herself. You never know what will happen next in the land of extremes. With my telescope out we got to see the shadows in the craters of the moon, while the aurora was undulating and shifting shape and form above. The dog named "buddy" keep running back and forth like a horse having a great time being able to get out and have some fun, like us humans.

The sky was not yet done revealing its beauty and there was this really neat shape forming. Taking a chance and leaving the shutter open for over 1 min 1/2, the shot was finally there, capturing a beautiful moment in time. The form is shaped like a women looking over her shoulder at you. I have seen forms of eagles, busts of a women's head, and even music note shapes, but never one like this being seductive and scintillating. Nature, she was revealing her own valentine gift.

Wondering thru Arctic Life

2008-02-10T17:29:00.000-09:00

Wondering thru life in the arctic can be beautiful and harsh at the same time. The cold at -10F with wind chill at -50F is tough, but if you dress up enough to look like the pilsbury doe boy you can stay warm. The colds beauty is every where from the deep crystallized prism snow with rainbows glinting and twinkling at you enticingly, to hoary frost clinging to every exposed surface. The ability to get the shoot of the prism effect I have been trying for years and I finally was able to do it by changing my angle of incidence or simply lying down in the snow. The wonders of life's accidents are always wonderful if you open your mind to them.

Along the trail, I'm singing Come Away with Me by Nora Jones, since I have been practicing it to sing at open mic night, and a raven flew by to investigate what was going on. I am laying there in the snow just finish shooting and the raven lands on a branch only a few feet away. She starts cawing at me and twisting here head back and forth keeping an eye always on me. Well, from the time I spent with a Shaman from Wisemen and learned how to repeat their sounds, I called back to her and she repeated the sound. The moment was really cool and intriguing, she really liked my singing. It was so beautiful and lovingly tender, something I need very much right now.

She followed me along the trail even to the road and it was cool having us talking and singing to each other. I haven't been able to do that for a long time since last spring an it felt wonderful in the arctic cold. Since, ravens are one of the most intelligent song birds and even repeat car alarm sounds, if you all hear "Come away with Me" some where out of the blue you will know why, a crazy strawberry blond taught her. I had a feeling the days mysteries were not done yet and something else was going to happen. Once I reached back to the road and was on Farmers Loop I started shooting again the frozen and snow covered Ballaine Lake. The smooth snow with small prisms of beautiful rainbow crystalized light was mesmerizing. Then a thought surfaced of why not become part of the beauty by using my own body as an art tool. I went out and wrote my saying in life "LIFE LIVE IT" and let other people see it and help out their day in life. The letters are huge and you can see them from the road or air. Through all of the things happening within this last year I have become more relaxed and patient with life, and participating in its beauty.

Yukon Quest at -30F Slightly Cold

2008-02-09T16:11:00.000-09:00

Alaskan Women Exposed & Empowered

2008-02-06T17:55:00.000-09:00

Nack of things just happening in life that come out of the blue, literally are just a part of my life. I was getting a cab home from having fun on FAT TUESDAY Mardi Gras and saw the temperature sign where Fahrenheit and celsius are the same temperature at -40. I asked the cab driver to drive me home to get my camera and come back and take a picture. When we got back there was a great surprise awaiting. Six crazy Alaskan Women were standing there in bathing suits and underwear getting their photo taken. They saw me and asked me to get in the middle, who am I to say no to being an Alaskan Women. I jumped right on in and it felt awesome, wild, and crazy. They then started chanting to Strip, Strip, Strip. Oh heck why not, we only live once and off the clothes came. The feeling of being Alaskan Strong Women and empowerment was exhilarating. Life is to short and living it is wonderful. I am so glad I listen to my mom about wearing good underwear, you will never know when you are exposed. We were getting pretty cold and jumped back into our vehicles. Warmed up a bit and drove off into the cold arctic night. I wonder if it will get down to -50 below tonight, might have another Exposed Party with some other friends, will just have to get dressed faster. Life Live It is a moto I write on many things and it is a wonderful feeling.

Arctic Women vs Artic Blast -40F

2008-02-04T16:38:00.000-09:00

Women's Artic Shadow -40F - Women standing against the arctic wind with arms behind her and bearing her soul to a harpoon hovering a foot away, awaiting for something.

White Dragon & Hot Springs

2008-01-27T21:53:00.000-09:00

I woke up to the sun rising at 10:00 am and -44 F and actual temp of -55 below including wind chill & dew point. The thought of getting out and take some photos of the ice fog and pink sunrise, went by-by when I saw the thermostat. If something happened to the car and I got stranded it would be slightly cold and I am not that blond, so I jumped back into my heated waterbed. Finally, around noon it warmed up to -30F, thus as we say up here "Road Trip" destination Chena Hot Springs. The ice fog was thick and you could still see the bullet ridden road signs, even the dog team crossing sign.

The only one with out bullets was the HIPAS observatory sign. The snow on the top right of the sign look like a bust of a women, go figure. When I reached Two Rivers, there was two dog teams mushing along side the road and I kept pace with them. Those dogs are phenomenal athletes and were really enjoying the run, just like I was doing.
The sun just was not bright enough and there was a slight overcast, so the next stop was the Chena River at Angel Rocks Campground. The river was open a little and the flowing water with the ice coverage had made a neat rhythmic pattern, like scales on a dragon tail. The rippling sound of the open water was melodic and strange to hear, since H20 has been frozen since October.

I couldn't wait to hear more and jumped back into the car, after many shots to get the right composition and angle, and made it to Chena Hot Springs. I was hoping I could take in my camera and get a few neat shots, but the steam off of the outdoor pool would have played havoc with the camera and the slight problem of water damage. Thus, I went around the outside and was buffeted by the steam, like some ethereal medieval scene.

The trees, bridges, anything exposed for long was covered in an off white hoary frost. You could feel the frost developing on you and I could only pull out the camera for a few seconds. The cold had changed from a dry to a damp cold and just seeped into you. The temperature starting even affecting me being able to take a shot and I ran back to the car, got my bathing suit, and ran inside the pool area. Finally, to get in the warm spring water was so soothing and relaxing. To be able to swim again in the indoor pool was exhilarating. I love to be underwater swimming in a warm dense liquid medium, like being in another world of sound and touch. You feel yourself enveloped and embraced.

After enjoying the indoor pool, I braved the trip from inside to the outside pool. The feeling of shock and then harshness hits you immediately and the distance to the pool seems infinite, because of the thick steam rising . You can't run, because of the ice, and you have to concentrate on placing each step. The destination is worth it, just like everything else in life. The feeling of warmth enveloping you again once you reach the pool is so soothing, that you forget everything else. The slow breast stroke through the pool with ripples washing ahead of you and the steam flowing over you makes you feel like you are in another reality and the trouble of the world float away. Floating on my back and immersing my ears, I almost feel like I am at home in my dragon lair soaking up the heat and melting my heart, allowing me to breath and relax.

What Would You Give for Your Soul

2008-01-25T14:36:00.001-09:00

Yesterday, our lab received a cell culture workstation that was 585lbs per June Sun and it need to go from the hall way into a small room in the lab. Everyone was saying they needed to get a few guys in here to move it and I looked at it and figured all we needed was a strong cart. So, got everyone together and loaded the bulky thing onto the cart and wheeled it in to the lab. With a little ingenuity and leverage we got it into the lab, with out any extra help. You just have to look at a tough job and roll up your sleeves and just get her done. We had a little fun afterwards running down the hall with people on the cart, you have to have fun while you work. The feeling of being appreciated by your fellow colleges and being able to help, was wonderful. It has been difficult to go away from the actual lab and working with computers. People do not see me working and I feel like I have not been getting the respect for the massive amount of work I have been doing. The lift it gave my soul was wonderful, but not what I have been missing and yearning for and I still had another tough challenge that day of meeting with my professor on my INDS course.

I had just finished working with Bill Brody on my Independent Study Course and he wanted more revisions, what else would you expect from an excellent artist. Being exhausted and sick from a chest cold, I went back to my office for a breather and walked in on a classical piece from a composer called Palestrina "Assumpta est Maria in Caelum" Mass (Inner Peace). I didn't even turn on the lights and put my feet up on the desk and leaned back, closed my eyes, and let my soul be taken away. The feeling of contentment and inner peace was permeating my soul and I drifted on the wave of music for a long time. Contentment and inner peace has been a distant fellow for a long time now with all of the changes I have been through. I feel like I have finally have that inner peace of what I have become and how I have arrived to this point. The journey has been difficult and full of trajedy and pain, but I knew with help from friends, family, and all around strength of soul; I could survive and finally flourish into a new women.

With this rejuvenation and feeling of contentment finally, I had to get to the gym.
Even though I am sick as a dog, I had set up an appointment to be certified to climb on the rock wall, so I dragged my tired petunia to the gym. I'm sitting there as usual, with my blinders on when you are changing in the locker room, and I realized I had forgoten to bring my other sneakers, so I had to climb the rock wall with my basketball sneakers. Of course to make matters more funny and ironic an old roommate Tim Ciosek, who is an accomplished rock climber was there, and I had to say what do you think of my basketball shoes, he said "at least you will stick to the wall". The whole class laughed and I didn't feel bad, since I am finally content and just take what life gives me with a new spirit. Make the best out of a bad situation and now there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you keep working at it and don't give up.

Life's ironies just keep rolling when I went home I was restless even though sick and ate some red salmon and felt refreshed. The restlessness didn't go away and I went to the Marlin and then listened to an excellent melancoly song called "What would you give for your soul". The look and emotion on the blue grass players You could feel and from your own soul know what you would give up your soul for "Love". That beautiful and sweet tender love with another human being is worth your soul.
Not the freedom of chasing rainbows to their end and never being able to touch them, or the artistry of life, but the loving touch of another human being is worth your soul.

Meeting Deadlines

2008-01-23T00:15:00.000-09:00

If there were no deadlines, nothing would get accomplished. I'm trying to finish an Independent Study Course of putting MRI anatomical data of an arctic ground squirrel's brain into a program called AMIRA. The programs main function is conversion of two dimensional data into a three dimensional form, that you can immerse into a holographic environment. The ability to discover new things and saying that's weird, instead of eureka, is really amazing and wonderful. To be able to be creative and working with computer programs within neuroscience is actually quite invigorating and rewarding. Reward usually only comes with perseverance and tenacity. You also can not panic and just try again when the whole program crashes, if you consistently back up the data, but the actual functional set that you need to get to with xy, xz, yz three dimensional coordinates almost sealed the deal tonight. I have been waiting an 1/2 hour just for the acquired data to reload and have everything possible crossed for good luck. I am writing this blog for senility, while I am waiting. There have been over 1000 files to route through to find the pertinent file data. Once the correct data has been loaded then you need to segment it into separate regions of the brain. The amount of work I have been doing has I think has caused my brain to become part squirrel. So yesterday, while the system was rendering data I went home and shoveled the driveway to just to keep sane. A couple was walking by with their dogs and

the guy said "you must be hard core being out here in a t-shirt", I said "I'm just hot and an Alaskan Women". They were laughing all the way down the street. Oh well, being honest sometimes is quite funny. Thank goodness, my family especially Dad told me a good way to get rid of stress, is to work out with anything, chores or something physical, get you through it with a smile and senility. Also, even though you are busy take time to laugh and enjoy life's moments.

Gaining Concord

2008-01-18T17:19:00.000-09:00

I'm sitting here at lunch in the IARC building watching a raven frolicking and giving itself a snow bath, and a gorgeous view emerges across the Tananna flats. The Alaska mountain range emerges from the storm that barely made it across. Almost like my life right now, conquering my fear of rejection and change. Yesterday I was able to play and have fun with a good friend, who has accepted me for who I am. She didn't care if she was seen walking with me. It allowed me to feel more comfortable with myself. I am finding out who are true friends. Later that night, I went to the Marlin and had an excellent time. Someone I had called and didn't return my call was there. They tried to converse with me and I was polite, but distant. Is this dragon pride? I do not think so, I want someone who has compassion and courage, if they do not return my call they don't fit the criteria or am I being to petty. I am not a shallow person and am trying to figure this out instead of going with the flow. Even though, I really enjoyed all of the looks, flirtations, and brushing against each other was an erotic rush. It was wonderful, but not really what I'm looking for. Companionship and love is what truly matters.

Dealing with Death and Living Life

2008-01-09T00:49:00.000-09:00

I am sitting by a warm fire trying to keep myself and soul warm from the -10 below and darkness outside, wondering why I am in such a fuge. Usually holidays are the best of times and I have tons of lights and fun with my friends and family. After alot of soul searching and finally being smart and talking to a fellow shaman, things are starting to see the light. Whom counsels the counseler? I could not understand why I kept thinking about the time when I had found my soulmate during Christmas and the long suprise trip from North Florida to him, years ago. I had driven eight hours on Christmas Eve, left my family to be with him on the first day he would be without Calven and Kenny. I had kept calling him and talking to him with out telling him were I was. The knock on the door and the look in his eyes I will always remember. I realize I have been without a soulmate too long. With the loss of Crusher, this is the end of a chapter in my life. She was a part of them and me. I have been sitting infront of the fire and holding the stocking that my advisor Kelly had hand made for Crusher a few Christmas' back and just started finally releasing the pain of her loss. I had a good friend earlier in the year who tried to and help me with the loss, but as being the stupid stoic person that I am I didn't accept the compassion and help. As usual life was too busy with going to my first professional international talk and didn't have time to release the pain and let someone in my life that would help me. I have been on my own and trying to accomplish everything by myself, to really no real avail. I am finally realizing that I need to let someone into my life and into their life. To truly live is to let them into your life and be part of theirs. I am tired of hiding behind the pain of loosing my family and Crusher and need to start living again. I try to bring wisdom and laughter to other peoples heart and souls, like any good white wood dragon, but as my fellow shaman said when am I going to help myself and let someone in. I need to feel the love of living again that was reflected in our souls that Christmas night.

The little flings and trists lately are not who and what I am, but to feel that beautiful touch of souls is what I want again. Now, I understand why I let the beutiful intoxicating one go this holiday and am looking for the beautiful soul that I left behind. Finally, the strength of who I am and what I want to be is striving in me again. To fly again and roar in the stary stars again, is a wonderful and refreshing feeling again. My friends, Audra and Marie told me that what I went through would have cripple anyone else and they knew if anyone I could get through it, I could. I have been there for them in their times of crisis and they were there for mine in August and helped me through a difficult and hard transistion in life. They told me they thought I was strong for what I am trying to accomplish and support me through what ever I decide. To me that is true friendship and I am one lucky lady to have them as friends. Thus, I need to stop preaching life and practice it and live what I hand painted on my trash can "Life Live It".

Conundrum

2008-01-04T02:26:00.000-09:00

As I sit here by the fire burning brightly in the fire place and in my soul, with the book "The Chevalier De Boufflers by Nesta H. Webster. There is a quote at the beginning of the book I keep reading over and over again each time I pick up the book.

"For life, with all it yields of joy and woe;
And hope and fear, -believe the aged friend, -
Is just our chance o' the prize of learning love,
How love might be, hath been indeed, and is;
And that we hold thenceforth to the uttermost
Such prize despite the envy of the world,
And, having gained truth, keep truth: that is all." by Browning, A Death in the Desert.

That no matter what we achieve in this world, love is the ultimate reward. Materialistic things only bring fleeting flights of joy. I understand this when I had been with a soul mate already once in my life. The truth today is that I can not seem to get over my damn shyness of all things. My tongue can't move and I avoid them. like a bumbling boy. I contemplate how much pride and fear can get in the way of truth and love. While I was in Seattle for collaboration and interviews. my pride got in the way of being with someone, because they laughed at what I was doing. Dragon's do not like to be ridiculed and I thought I had gotten through it, but now I can not shake this damn shyness. I can stand toe to toe with a guy who just got back from Iraq and was drunk and stupid. There were no blows, but I stood my ground with him only inches from my face screaming and yelling. I diffused the situation, but I can't even say hi to someone I care about. Fear is such a foreign emotion and I am working through it. Is it fear from the situation or is it because of the pain of loosing a soul mate and family was so wrenching of an experience. I have gotten my life and career on track, but have I actually been living. All the traveling I was doing in 2007 was wonderful, but I missed the element of someone with me to enjoy and see it in their eyes and soul. Friends and family tell me that I will find love again and it usually happens when you give up looking for it. The last line in the Browning poem might also be referring to this. Well, I am at that point of giving up. The warmth of the fire and contemplation of love warming my soul and sweep away of the fear of my heart breaking again and loosen my shyness, is a hope I can cling to.

North Pole Ice Art Championship 2007

2007-12-12T02:16:00.000-09:00

The first annual North Pole Ice Art Championship was really interesting watching people create from an artist's soul and burgeoning into life from a frozen square conforming block to something magical and precious.
People had from Sat 8:00am to Sunday 3:00pm to produce a beautiful textured piece of ice art with chainsaws, power sanders, and even small nail files, with little or no sleep. The ice chips were flying everywhere and cool prisms of light were reflecting from multiple and non-congruent chunks of ice lying wasted next to forming creations. The artist's minds eye were becoming part of reality for everyone to see and feel.
There were multiple volunteers helping anyway they could, from loaning tools, clearing ice, to just helping out with babysitting artist's adorable children. It was a symphony of artists and the community trying to build something together, the laughter and smiles on people helping each other was just such an Alaskan part of life. People had been up all night trying to breath life into a cold solid block of ice, like An Qifeng and his piece of art called "It's Love". The free form and soft curvature might have been about love being free and comes out of nowhere. Two forms coming together and merging into one, each completing each other.
I have felt that kind of soul moving love twice now in my life. My friends tell me people search their whole lives looking for that kind of love and I have been very lucky to have it, 10 years ago and just this spring. Publishing the photo of It's love and listening to Annie Lennox "Love is Blind" while writing this resurfaced what happened just a few days ago at the UAF print art sale. I saw my current endeavor's upper torso portrait on a print labeled "A wonderful thing to wake up to". Well, that was an eye opener and wondering if I have bitten off more than I can chew. The print was a little racy, but that is artistic expression. Then just when I was walking out of the print show, my heart left me speechless, which rarely happens. The person I am truly interested in was looking at the print and was enthralled. I tried to talk but my damn heart was in my mouth, and I let my emotions runnith over. I was not able to handle it, sucks being human. Am I scared to be in love again and fear of failure or being able to change out of this melancholy and be happy again? This kind of thing you just cannot make up, life is better than fiction.
Well, I am digressing and need to get back to the other story, which is also entwined in my life.

The creation from Anita Tabor (see first photo) captured first place in competition juried by the Artists and was presented the award by the King and Queen of the Ice Art Championship. I have never seen anyone wearing a Queen's tiera in the middle of an Alaskan Winter before. She said it was the one award she really wanted to at least place in. Being recognized by your fellow artists is a wonderful fulfilling emotion. She wanted to pay me for photos of her art, but I said I would take it out in trade. I would like to have a "Snow Woman" made in my front yard, since there was not enough snow this year to make one. Why does it always have to be a Snow Man? She laughed and I might have my snow woman next weekend.

Deline Laughlin sculpted this free form piece called "The Gift". We were talking about how artists like ourselves are trying to make this world a better place to live in and how art moves lives. She remembered how during one Ice Art Championship her daughter was going through tough times and she got her into helping her in sculpting a piece together. It truly helped both of them and this piece was representing their time together. Life and art are beautiful combined expressions.
If you would like to see more Ice Art, they have it set up with a Live Web Cam at www.icealaska.com. You all might go there at a specific time and say hi to your family and friends in the lower 48. It would be a heart-warming gift for all involved. I will be there live during Christmas with a sign to say hi to my Family in Florida and Washington on Christmas Day, since I cannot be with them and I am making my X move out. Well, I have my next-door neighbors and friends for X-mas.

Blacken Rose Petal

2007-12-10T01:12:00.000-09:00

I can not handle the yelling and cursing at me, especially before a concert, enough is enough. I have watched my mom tell so many other women to stop the verval abuse and here am I taking it myself. Not listening to my grandmother when she said I needed to practice what I preach, was one heck of a blond moment. I thought this over since May and found that I was just keeping Jim around, so I would not find love again since loosing my family. Me someone that has fear, I would never have thought it would happen. What a powerful emotion and makes us do things we never would have thought we would do. Because of this I can finally have the compasion for someone going through something like this. Being with someone for over seven years was being married and it is a difficult decision that needs time to work through and six months is enough. He needs to leave. We both dont deserve being only just friends living under one roof. We need love and companionship, living like this is just living a lie and we have to move on. He told me tonight that once the ball starts rolling that is it. I had to write and take this picture to work this through. I have lived better half of my life with out having to depend upon someone to pay the bills and supposively have no saftey blanket. He is just blowing smoke and being trying to stay with me, and his ass is out of here. I do not like breaking his heart, because mine has been on a really rough road recently. My dad told me becareful when you are breaking someones heart, because you will be in their shoes someday. I have always tried to be this way. If it makes me look like I am weak then they shur the heck do not know me. I have been through some rough times in my life and I have always made it through. Grandma's advise to get through the best as you can and remember the good times, that is what makes me laugh when I can and enjoy life. I wish I could play a country western song backwards and get my dog back, my car running again, love back in my life, and not worry about what I will be doing after May. At this point I will try anything. My next door neighbor tells me I am not going to do it and kick him out. She knows I hate someone telling me something I can not do and gets me going to do what I need to do. This is my decision and I has to be for the right reason of me changing and moving on in life and him refusing to change. I need someone who wants to go outside and do things, not just rot away with tv on 24/7. I want to live life and enjoy it with someone. I still do not like hurting someone to have to move on in life, but it is something that has to be dealt with.

Chichenitza - One of the 10 Wonders of the World

2007-12-05T00:26:00.000-09:00

We finally were able to become tourists and relax for just 1/2 of a day. To relax at Chichenitza, one of the 10 wonders of the world, was an added bonus. The minute you step out of the car you realize you are in a special and powerful place.
You could almost feel the power seeping into your soles of your shoes and travel upward. We got ourselves a guide, since we didn't have enough time and I wanted to video record the history currently known.

Thanksgiving Soul Feast

2007-11-22T16:43:00.000-09:00

What a wonderful day with friends and family throwing mashed potatoes around. I had sent a cool thanksgiving card to everyone about playing and shaping the mashed potatoes into to multiple shapes. My friend Marie liked the potatoe shaped Devils Tower with the sound track from Close Encounters of the third kind. I know the potatoes will be flying at her table. I like the shape of the vegetarian turkey leg. The air is full of smells and sound of people coming together and enjoying each others company and helping out cooking with a little eating involved.

I had a slight break while the turkey was cooking and looked out side around 3:30pm. The sun was setting and the lenticular and scud clouds were great shapes and orange colors against the contrast of the dark blue sky. I grabed my camera and ran over to my neighbors house and took pictures from her porch. The color deepened and shapes formed into a flying dragon. It was magnificent and beautiful.

The clouds were coalescing infront of the dragon into this women's shape. It was like the dragon was floating and watching something form infront of it. The clouds were forming into a picturesque sky landscape almost like the watercolors of an artists painting. There is just no substitute for Alaskan Sunsets, intense and magnificent in color and textures.

Attenuation

2007-11-18T00:05:00.000-09:00

As I am finally home and having my back warmed by the fire, I realize I have been on a trip of the soul and rejuvenation. I am finally listening to people, whom I am am talking to and not just caring. People in today's day and age do care about other people and will help them when they ask. The hardest part has been for me is asking for help. I always have to be the tough stoic person and figure it out on my own. When I was in Seattle and had an important meeting about getting funding for working at the Salk Institute, could I afford to stay in Seattle a few more days, it would help me emotionally and financially, was a ground breaking dilemma. Do I try and save money and just go back to Alaska or do I take a chance to get funding at the premier institute in Neuroscience. It was a gamble and hopefully the University will reimburse me a thousand dollars. The gamble was one of the best leaps of faith I have ever done for my emotional and financial future. Even though the Arkiteck Studios talk did not go get me a job, I might be able to maybe get funding to work with Salk Institute. I talked with NIH consultants and they told me what type of structure and format to present the request in, while in Seattle. It was nice working with professional and caring people about neuroscience and its expression out in the real world. To many scientists are over worked and under paid to have little time to work with the average public. There needs to be an institution or programs set up between the scientists and the public domain. I deal with this problem a lot since by brother does not believe in evolution. It was very difficult when after a severe rainstorm in Olympia that my nephew and I found a fossilized wood piece that looked just like a rock. My nephew got really exited when he reacted after I saw it. It was a truly raw find and beautiful peace with excellent stereographic lines. I looked at his eager face and my heart melted, but I knew it was my brother's call on what to tell him. So I told him to ask his dad, and he looked a me with a moment of regret. At that moment, I had never felt so weak and wrong. He was looking for new knowledge and information and all I did was shut him down. Did I let my want of being accepted over come my rationality of honor? That truly humbled me and made me realize that you have to be true to yourself. I should have figured out of how to help my nephew, instead of running away and burying my head in sand. I had thought I was able to deal with this type of situation, but life is not like in books. You need to grab the opportunity when it exists like a wise women this summer told me, which I had not done because of the repercussions that I had perceived. I should have asked and found out before assuming like a moron. I am finally listening to other people and seeing if it is valid and what to do with it. Trust me this has been a hard and arduous process that will always be worth standing and ignoring life and reality that other people perceive, but I should have listened to and worked through earlier. Life Live It is what I have always stated. You have to take the hits and the punches and not to allow them to change you. I will always be a good intellectual and caring person, not matter what I do to myself or what comes at me. I have found after the last several weeks that I will always be a good person and care about my fellow human beings. My sense of honor will always be a stone to stand upon even though it might be double edged and not get me immediate gratification, it allows me to be myself and have respect, especially after going to Tequiana, MX. Some people might think that money is the most important thing being in Tequiana, and it would have saved me a lot of money, but it was not me and might have lost my soul. It would have made it dirty and not what I wanted as a beautiful and sweet time in life. An older Shaman came up to me and I listened to her in Seattle. She said this is not what I wanted because of my heart being in the way. Don't let the scarred and scared ones get to you, because you have a heart, but be proud and let it stay a part of you. It makes me whom I am and will help through rough times of my life. Hopefully more people can understand this and help each other. Life is to short, it needs to be lived and loved each precious moment. That is maybe why I am trying so hard to decide to stay in Alaska or go somewhere else. I love this beautiful land and the people are in another league, there is one person holding me back to where I would love to stay, but how do I ask such a good and caring person. Hopefully, I will be able to figure this out and get enough courage someday. It really is hard to write this when I have survived charging Bull Moose and bears, but have not survived yet my own emotional forgivings and fear. I have never felt truly fear till this spring and am trying to walk though it. I do not like this emotion and how debilitating it can make of us. From help listening to a the artist, elder, and bartender in Seattle I will be able to channel it and work through it. They all said I do have the courage to work through it, now I just have to listen and wait. Things will be turning soon and be patient, that I am a good human being and to be myself, with stop trying so hard and only the strongest will come to you. It is a difficult thing to do, but I am beginning to listen.

Halloween in San Diego

2007-11-04T16:46:00.000-09:00

The endocannabinoid conference was kicking and running full steam at the HIlton Hotel. The people were nice and really were helping and connecting with each other. There was so many intellectual international people from all of the major continents of the world. It was so neat to hear multiple languages being spoken all at once, like a dissonance symphony of language and sound. The spainards and portguese with their passionate talks. The french shy and quiet talking with in their groups. The germans strong and bringing laughter to the discussion. There were so many different nationalities and personalities, all working on one system and trying to understand its nature and function. I even ran into someone from Ethopia that use to go to school with Veronica Topin (Bahamian former PostDoc at UAF) at Case Western and worked with Musa. The only thing that was missing was Halloween costumes, but all the different types of dress and sounds, it was like a strange and intriguing Halloween.
The collaborative atmosphere was really up and running. We had a large group of graduate students and new post docs go to Nick's on the Beach at Ocean Beach for dinner. We were talking about all of our different countries geography, cultures, and societies, from Ethopia, Spain, Portugal, to Alaska. We even pulled out all of our drivers licenses and compared the different countries. The one thing we all had in common was the drive to learn and experiment with the unkown.

Flight of Understanding Life to San Diego -

2007-10-30T23:05:00.000-08:00

The flight to San Diego started out with a bang. There is a new time limit of having to check in luggage 40 min before the flight and I was there at 38 min and missed the flight, which had changed in July from 30 to 40 minutes, so I had to wait for the next flight 3 hours later. The leg of Anchorage to Seattle during the day was hopefully going to be full of shooting pictures, since I am finally not flying the red eye flight. You usually have to fly in the middle of the night to be able to hook up with flights in the lower 48. I got on the plane and it was booked solid. I had a weird feeling of deva vue and I knew something was about to happen. There was a cute kid in my window seat and he really didn't want to move, so I stayed in the aisle seat. The boy had no hair and was wearing a baseball cap. He looked like he had been through a rough treatment of chemotherapy and was embarrassed. So I started saying how cool it would be for Halloween to be able to paint his head different colors, like purple or glow in the dark green. Maybe even make an outline of his brain on his head, like we do in Neuroscience Potpourri for the kids. He was laughing and took off his hat and wasn't self conscious anymore.

There is nothing like seeing a kid with leukemia laugh. Well, him and I hit it off and he was taking pictures in no time and enjoying the rough bumpy ride. He at first was a little scared when the plane started dropping suddenly, what a feeling in the stomach. I said this is better than any rollercoaster ride, he got the hint and we made a game of it. We were laughing and having a good time, and this let his very tired mom to get some needed rest. Seth just had a few bad days of chemotherapy and was flying down to Seattle for more extensive therapy. His mom was pretty worried and tired from being up with him all night for the last few days. She looked like she needed some rest and Seth had such a good light hearted personality, that I spent most of the trip talking and playing with him. I enjoyed showing him how to draw Rufus, a dog I sketch, but we didn't have any paper, so we used the barf bag. He drew sponge bob on one side of it. We didn't have any crayons and there is a way to change the color to yellow like eating something yellow, but we just couldn't do it. We went on to playing chess on my iBook and then brought out the Pocket PC. He played for hours Jawbreaker MegaShift and beat my pants off in scoring, go figure! It was really was a beautiful moment in time to see him forget for awhile his severe disease and have some fun and laughter.

His mom even got some needed rest. At the end of the flight, his mom thanked me for baby sitting and she had that longing look of trying to absorb every minute of time in his short life. I have been there and I was trying anything I could do to ease her burden. It made my troubles seem a lot less and how far I have come. There is nothing like helping other people and making them laugh. Laughter is the healer of the soul and it is starting to mend mine.

Reflection of the Year

2007-10-25T00:59:00.000-08:00

Each year on this special day I look over what I have accomplished and overcome and this has been one of the most eventful years of my life. I have gone through beautiful joy of falling love again to heart wrenching heartache and I would do it again. It is better to keep trying to make your life a better place, than allowing fear and insecurity take a hold of you and not letting you take a chance in life. You need to sort those destructive emotions out and put them in context, then try and see if you can change them into something better. If you don't they can control you until you enjoy them, which I had seen in a good friend from last spring. Life is too short and needs to be enjoyed with laugher, family, and friends. Our current interpretation of time only moves forward each and every second, and will not wait for us.

So for good therapy I joined a softball team this summer. It was the best move I made all year for myself. The team was great! We were there just to have fun and really didn't care about the score. To this day, I do not know how many games we won or lost, because it didn't matter. The friendships that were formed and playing together is what counted. I went from playing pitcher, didn't hit anyone with the ball I think, to playing every position even bench warmer. I didn't care where I played, just to be having a good time with friends is more important.

One of the best things that could happen to my career this year was being invited to an AAAS Gordon Research Conference and present a poster. It was one of the most camaraderie atmosphere I have ever experienced.

The people were warm friendly and above all so helpful. You could ask them anything and if they didn't know something they could point you in the right direction. Oh and I did get in trouble.

I stupidly told people about the first conference I ever went to, Hibernation Cruise from Vancouver to Seward. I duck taped a totem pole to my director's door, so he couldn't get out of the room. Somehow he knew who did it, go figure. Well, at the GRC conference the darn wind up monkey that bangs the drums that told everybody that the discussion was up disappeared. I didn't even wait for them to ask me where it went, they did eventually ask me about the monkey. So, I went and contacted the librarian that was next door, and would talk to the maintenance guys that I saw working that day near the conference room. The maintenance guys had thrown it away in the trashcan. So every time that monkey started playing, I just kept having these thoughts of a monkey in a dumpster, and tried not laugh. We really had a good time and enjoyed working with people in my field of expertise.

Another wonderful thing in the past year I have had good new friends come and go, that really enriched my life. A next door neighbor Veronica Topin, what a crazy Bahamian. She helped pull me out of my heartache and was getting so upset saying, "let it go", that she took an axe to my fat white but.
The three of us, Joann Cooper, Veronica, and I, to this day laugh about that crazy trip to Chitna and Kennicott. It sure was not ever boring, trust me. A cool thing came out of that trip was a good time with friends and a lot of King and Red Salmon (121), but who is counting. I know I will be getting an e-mail about this!

On other cool thing, was going to Key West on a Harley with my friends Audra and Marie with their boyfriends. What a hell of a time. I will follow with all the cool gorey details on subsequent blog entries.

Another cool fun thing was entering the University of Alaska Fairbanks Forestry Sports Festival. I made new friends and had a lot of fun with people who enjoyed the outdoors, even if it was snowing and cold we didn't care. We were a large group of people from UAF and the community participating in multiple forestry competitions.
The axe throwing was the most dangerous and got second place. I didn't hit anything except the target, no bodies were impaled. The single buck saw competition had multiple different type of saws to use and I thought the newest one would work because it was the sharpest. Well, the blade was squirrelly and I was sawing sideways at one point.

It took forever, so the next competition I watch and waited to see what was the best technique to use. Go figure, using brain over brawn. So in the double buck saw competition I watched and found you had to let the saw do the work, also work together with the other person. Well, it paid off to where Megan and I won the Jill & Jill (27 secs) and the Bill and I won the Jack & Jill (15 secs) competition.
There was even log rolling and heavy cheering going on. That log was huge and not symetrical, so it rolled every which way but straight. The coldest event was the log burling in Ballaine Lake. They had to break away the ice to put the log in the lake. I just could not do the Polar Bear Club thing again and didn't enter this competition. Other people had more courage than I did and just got a little wet and ran to the large campfire and steamed to warmth.

Well, I didn't expect it but I won the "Belle of the Woods" award, the women with the most points. My mother a "Southern Bell" is fit to be tied, her daughter ending up to be Queen Lumberjack in Fairbanks. My grandmother and I are still laughing about it. It has been an interesting year and it is not done yet. I am about to go to the Society for Neuroscience Conference in San Diego on Tuesday, if San Diego is not engulfed in flames. The last conference in Cancun had a Hurricane and was canceled and now this one is going up in flames. You would think I would get the hint, but they have not cancelled it yet so I am going into the fire. One thing I would love to have happen is just a little break from bad luck with timing!! Nothing is falling into place, but I would be bored if things were easy.

Perigee Moon Part of Life

2007-10-23T00:05:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here writing and turned on Stevie Ray Vaughan's Tin Pan Alley (aka Roughest place in Town) it truly helps me write the feeling I had after seeing the twisted wreckage of a vehicle with blood running down the drivers side door and how much my heart is aching right now only a few days before my birthday on the perigee of the earth's moon.
We were driving on the Libre to Cancun and saw this huge thundercloud. Guess what? We were driving right into it, go figure. There were no places to turn out, being on one of the huge stretches of nowhere land. If we pulled off someone might not be able to see the road and drive right into the back of us. So onward us crazy Alaskans drove into the maul of a gigantic frog croaker (frog killer - Florida southern slang from crazy friend Marie). It started raining very, very hard to where it was just a constant cacophony of sound and then the darkness enveloped us. You couldn't see much of anything other than the faint yellow doted line, hopefully the road. The thunder just rolled and rolled like Stevie Rays guitar solo, you just get swept up into it and float. Like what has happened to me, getting swept up and then left to float. The road was flooding and when we hit huge puddles of H2O, they exploded over the car. It was like on a trail in Alaska down in the Southeast. The huge storm finally abated and we could finally see gray skies no more black ones.

Only a few minutes later did we come up on this awful wrecked and rolled vehicle. We thought it was a truck or suv couldn't really tell, until we drove on the other side of it. I wish I have never looked and yet that human drive can't be stopped and I did. Like me wishing on a falling star of falling in love again. The blood was slowly flowing on the door and dripping onto the ground, like my heart ripped and torn. There was no body in the cab and the guys standing by the vehicle looked very upset. There were other vehicles there and people were helping to clean up the wreckage, so we didn't stop and help. Hopefully the person was still alive and would make it to the hospital in time. It has been like what I have been going through, with my friends being also helpful and supportive, they have really helped me. To me that is part of life, being there for your friends and family. No matter how hard things get there will be people there for you if you let them help.

I had a good person let me talk and let the pain out till 4:00am a week before leaving for Cancun and only a few days after Crusher (18 years of love) died. It allowed me to get ready one of my biggest turning points in my career and kept me sharp during an emergency situation in a foreign country. She really helped me out and to me that is what being a human being is about. Helping others in need and asking for nothing back. I only wish more people in the crazy no time in their lives would stop once in a while do an act of kindness, maybe some of the violence in this world would start abating. I wonder if the world is going through a Perigee Moon of its life.

Mexico Country Side - Taking a Side Street

2007-10-17T23:42:00.000-08:00

The country side was full of multiple shades of dark luscious green. There were at least 10 to 12 intricate shades. The leaves were multiple forms from thick cactus spines to huge banana leaves. It was an intricite ecological niche. While I was flying over the landscape something kept bothering me about there was something missing from it.

When I was in the Mayan Archeaological Musuem, the mystery began revealing itself. One of the exhibits was on ecological landscpe and it was then that I noticed that there were no lakes or rivers, blue was missing from the visualization of the actual landscape. The whole Yucatan peninsula is made of limestone, which is just like cottage cheese. The Mayans got their water by aquafers, sink holes, and underground rivers. No wonder their religon has alot of underworld deities, for example the Jaguar the ruler of the Underworld.
The realy interesting feature was the small towns we went through. There were venders on the side streets selling delicious food and handmade items. The pottery was exquisite, with deep colors and very smooth and accented forms. I bought alot of my souveniers from them, because the money was going directly to them and not to a third party.

Road to Chichen Itza

2007-10-10T21:56:00.000-08:00

We awoke the next day with a refreshed vigor that you couldn't really explain. Maybe almost like a new awakening or lease on life, from surviving all of the histeria and stress of a catagory 5 Hurricane coming at us. We loaded up the rental car and headed back to Cancun with a stop off at Chichen Itza, but there was one little problem we couldn't read the road signs. Who thunk that! I thought if we got a map from the front desk I could visually from the map see the area's to turn and hopefully the streets had numbers.

Luckly, the streets in downtown were numbered and we chose to go down the old highway instead of the turnpike to see some of the country side and the other side of Mexico. We only got lost once and went down the wrong way on a one way street written in spanish. opps those crazy gringos!! I learned something from working at UPS, it helps to ask for directions, but in English it was intresting. Thank goodness for the visual map of Merida we had. It help break the language barrier us snobby American's have of knowing only one language.

Night Life Merida

2007-09-24T23:17:00.000-08:00

There was a downtown festival on Sunday that was full of flavor and music. The towns people have a little festival with booths of food, drink and conversations. The streets were full of music. A group of bongo drummers was beating out this fast tempo rythum that was intoxicating with raw emotion and drive. Music was infusing everyone and they were all moving, from tapping their feet or outright dancing.

Each square block had different music and texture. We went only a few blocks and the atmosphere transformed to many outdoor cafes next to a park with a bandstand set up next to a beautiful old church. The music began with a women singer and full band. They were really good so we stepped into La Parrilla cafe and it was hopping.

The food was as rich as the music and culture surrounding us. The dragon had to have some flaming food and the chef was excellent. He truely looked like he knew what he was doing and I asked him if this was his only job. He said "he was going to culunary art school to become a five star chef". He was graduating and will be working at the Presidente Hotel, were we were staying. It was one of the finest meals I had in a long time.

Hurrican Dean Aftermath

2007-09-20T00:20:00.000-08:00

After the cool old guy asked me to dinner along with my colleges, I told him that I have had a hell of a time in Mexico, so far I have been pick pocketed at Coco Bongo by a guy I was dancing with. He then shows up at the hotel Gran Melia at the front entrance the next evening, while I am going in to the hotel for the pre-satellite conference dinner. He says he has a room and wanted to give me a key. That turd had probably bought it with my own damn stolen cash of $300 and then wanted to take me to bed. I told him "Kiss My Grits" and strutted right the hell out that crazy situation. I knew there was no way to prove that he stole it, so calling the police would been a waste of effort. Believe me you just can't make this up, life is better than fiction in my world. Then I said it would be nice to be treated to a decent meal by a decent guy, and listen to more of his stories of his life. I love to listen to my elders and find out what type life they have lived with real history, other than the messed up tv and history books written by the current victors. He suggested a Chiles restaurant across from the hotel and told him I would meet him later. I couldn't miss this beautiful opportunity to shoot. It was a surreal photographers dream with the atmosphere so clear and deep blue, being cleaned up by the Hurricane. It truly was a perfect backdrop for all of the beautiful flowers and colorful architecture.

There were so many wonderful full colors like have not seen in many years, with no haze and pollution to distort the light by refraction and the beautiful strong colors of Mexican culture. It was one of my best shooting days yet. I took over 200 photos and can only post a few.

The Mayan Archaeology Museum was a surreal blending of Mayan and Spanish architechture. The blending of cultures is seen in the crowns above the windows. They seem to symbolise the jaguar and the symbol of a rabbits head, lion body, snake tail facing each other. The flame symbol is in the window crowns between the two. They remind me being at the momento a la Patria, during the Hurricane. It was one of the best archaeological buildings I have ever seen, but I dont get out of the United States very much and get to see all of the really cool architechture of the world.

I then walk to a side street one block from the 21st century plaza avenue to the real Mexico. Their buldings were alive with color, texture, and wraught iron.

This was the doorway to Where? What type of life laid behind that door? Did they have different concerns than us? They do seem to have a lot more music than our culture. I was even able to sing for our cab ride through the city of Merida. The driver had no music on and we were driving back from the downtown festival. We had not seen Merida yet and had some free time, so he started driving us to different landmarks in town. I asked him if he could play any latin beat music with some type of salsa in it. He said do you sing? I said yes and he but in a CD that we could sing to. It was really cool to let my emotions sing and let out all of the heartache and pain I was feeling. The driver was a pretty good tenor who sang for a mariachi band, go figure! We must have sang for hours, it was like being home and singing with my neighoors on a Sunday. We when got out of the cab and the bill was like 500 pesos, he said no he wouldn't take a peso from me, that I sang for the fare. That was alot of fun and release.

Hurrican Dean Winding Down 2

2007-09-07T23:47:00.000-08:00

I looked down the way and saw a sculpture of a domino and it reminded me of playing dominoes with my grandfather. I then saw an old man get on a neat bike, that had been sitting on a bench near me, I asked him where was the Mayan archaeological museum. He said "I was sitting in front of it". He asked me were I was from and he proceeded to tell me he lived 50 years in Cordova, Seward and Valdez Alaska. He had retired to Merida and started up a special Modiva fruit farm. He wanted to know about edible flowers and I told him they have them in supermarkets now and I know someone at our botanical gardens that was talking about using them as an experimental crop.
It was almost like the Mayan tradition of rebirth was happening all around me and I was talking to someone like my grandfather. He also had sat out in the hurricane, in front of the Mayan museum, and knew something was going to happen. We continued talking about Alaska and then he must have felt comfortable and proceeded to tell me a romantic tragic story of his life. He had meet his wife in Cordova Alaska and fished with her on her father's boat. They hit it off and he had to run the gamut with his father, which consisted of going into the water a few times. I know how cold that water is by falling myself in a few times sailing in Seward. When you fall in you wish you could walk on water and try and get out as soon as possible. It shocks you first and once you get over the shock you have to force your limbs to function and get the *&(&(&* out of the water, but once you have conquered one of your worst fears it gives you a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment.
Well he passed the test and they got married a few years latter and tried to have children. His wife couldn't have kids and so they adopted. They were the best years of his life and his daughter moved out and was going to college at UAA when tragedy struck. She was driving in Anchorage and lost her bearings and drove off the top of a hill and rolled her vehicle down the embankment. She was lost to him and his wife forever. His wife never recovered from her loss and regressed into a vegetative state, he feed her and bathed her for 20 years. I thought about would I be strong enough to do this for the one I love and I didn't even take a second to think of yes I would. It is who I am, and hopefully some day I will find that type of love again and stop being lonely. I told him about loosing my family 10 years ago and I understood his pain. This trip was almost a cleansing of the heartache and pain, that I would allow my self to feel again. I told him about how important truth and honor are for me being in a relationship, which has driven some people away. He told me they were afraid of finding such a good person or that they thought I deserved someone better than themselves. That just talking to me for an hour, he thought I was one of those special human beings that would help anyone and I will find someone strong enough someday to enjoy life like I do.
He opened up his hand made painted box on his bike and showed me pictures of his native wife and daughter. They were beautiful and had the twinkle of life in their eyes. He had no regrets about his life and told me to cheer up and my life was in a cycle of rebirth, because of the signs life was sending me of sitting in front of the Mayan archaeological museum and experiencing the hurricane at the monumento a la Patria. He told me he doesn't show these pictures to usually anybody but he felt safe with me and saw that I was truly listening to him.

Hurrican Dean Winding Down

2007-09-05T13:56:00.000-08:00

It was close to noon and the wind was scouring my bare legs. The hotel was around the corner and I didn't want the raw power and excitement to end. If I didn't get back Kelly and Tulasi would start worrying about me and we need to stay together. After fighting the wind on the windward east to west bound street, I made it to the hotel and the bellman looked at me like I was some crazy gringo. There were ropes across the front door and I had to knock and have him let me in. I went up stairs and Kelly and Tulasi were working way and were happy I was safe. I changed into jeans and tried to go back out through the service entrance, but the manager had been watching me and made this crazy gringo go back to the room. The government had ordered everyone indoors and not to be out in the storm. They even had stopped all liquor sales in the grocery stores and restaurants. I would have thought you would want people a little relaxed with a beer than being all keyed up, but there are a few percentage that can't handle their alcohol and would hurt themselves in the storm. I have never been in a country where there was so much control of direct commerce sales by the government.

They finally let us out around 2:00 pm, so I headed out towards the Mayan archeological museum. The buildings were works of art with arches, turrets, and beautiful strong color. The Spanish truly influenced the Merida architecture. There were sculptures everywhere along the street, bounded up with protective coverings from the storm. I didn't exactly know the street number, but didn't care because the sky was so crisp and blue which is a photographers dream photo shoot day and the wind was still blowing but with a lot less intensity.

There was building that I came up to and it was a piece of architectural art with beautifully women face sculpture that looked a little like me and there was a bench to sit upon, so I sat down and relaxed.

Hurricane Dean in Extreme 70mph Winds High Noon Rebirth

2007-08-29T19:28:00.001-08:00

Louisa was really a cool person who was like me wandering in a storm trying to figure out what life has thrown at us and giving us a new birth almost like Mayan tradition. We talked a while and he was also at a cross roads in his life realizing there was something new on the horizon, which we only had to open up our eyes and see. We parted with a feeling like we helped each other and I wondered back towards the hotel, since I left a note that I would be back around 12:00pm the height of the hurricane. While I was returning the wind was a steady 70 mph and gusting up to at least 100mph, because I was to leaning and pumping my legs just to keep moving against it. When I turned the corner and went down wind I felt like I was flying like my astrological sign the eagle and chinese sign wood dragon. I was floating a few feet before I touched down, it was really a neat experience. I stopped and hid behind a headge at a historical site called "Notaria Publica #67 A Cargo Del Abogado Sergio I Priego Medina" and took a video of the howling wind. While taking the video the wind gusted up to at least 100 mph and a dark cloud of sand pelted me, see the photo of my legs. I was thinking of what an idiot I am being out in this with out jeans on and getting my legs sandblasted. For some reason, I had to listen to my instincts and I needed this clensing experience of my heart and soul to remove the heart ache and pain that I have recently experienced. Please see the video at http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=AlaskanWhiteDragon

Hurrican Dean Blowing in Extreme

2007-08-24T14:09:00.000-08:00

The main part of the storm is only an hour away and I am drawn down the main street of Merida. I am following this solid line in the brick path and seem drawn towards something. The wind is really picking up and is howling about 60mph, pushing on me to keep moving. I get a brief respite for just a minute andI look up and see what I have been driven towards, Monumento a la Patria. What a powerful moment, the visual symbol of the force of power with the buffeting wind seem just right in viewing this monument from the ancient Mayan ancient past. I am standing on the meridian of a four-lane road looking at this powerful monument and all of a sudden a voice breaks the enthrallment and asks if I can take his picture. We trade places taking each other's picture in the middle of the roundabout and I ask him about the hieroglyphs. He starts telling me about the figures and he seems to know what his is talking about, so I ask him if I could video record his narration. The wind was really picking up and I knew from prior experience that the voice recording would be heavily distorted because of the wind, but if you don't try you will never accomplish anything.
His name was Louisa Rodriquez-Alexander, which is my grandmother's maiden name of Alexander. I had a feeling this was just getting interesting. He explained the Mayan hieroglyph of a head of a rabbit, body of a jaguar, and tail of a snake. If anyone knows what this is called and the signifcance please e-mail me the information. The Mayans believed to survive that had to be in a constant New World, so that is why they continuously rebuilt upon prior civilization and the flame represented this context of rebirth, like I was feeling what was happening to me. We walked to the other side of the momumento and another powerful relationship of dimensions was revealed of a small lake with a statue in the middle. It was a scene of a natural world with an eagle and a cactus on the back of the sculpture alludes to the founding of Tenochtitlan (Mexico City}. According to the migration legend, the patron god Huitzilopochtli told them to build a settlement in the place where they would see an eagle landing on a cactus growing on a lake. When the Mexica Aztecs saw the vision, they founded Tenochtitlan on Lake Tetzcoco, thus reminding me of the researchers I meet during the pre-sattilite conference from Mexico city. I am a little enveous that they have a rich culture that they can still practice and receive wisdom from. See the movie at youtube - http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=AlaskanWhiteDragon

Hurrican Dean Arrival 2

2007-08-22T16:07:00.001-08:00

While leaning into the wind and dodging debre, I looked up and saw a jeep full of military personnel and thought oh crap in trouble again Kelly, my advisor, sent out the troops after me. Instead they whistled and waved at me and kept going.

Hurrican Dean Arrival

2007-08-22T11:18:00.000-08:00

The city streets were deserted and the wind was howling like a lost soul buffeting against any object left exposed. The atmosphere was invigerating, fresh, and clean as though something was being reborn. Debre was strewn every which way and flying through the air. Accelerating clouds of multiple types and sizes were carening by and increasing at a faster pace by the minute.

Fruit from the trees were strewn everywhere. I was dodging kumquats dropping from the trees onto the uneven brick sidewalk. I was not able to dodge all of them and I couldn't get it out of my curly hair. Thank god no one was on the street seeing me jumping around the kumquats and trying to keep them from hitting me. It was a site to see.

The only thing I saw running around was a black dog, who stopped and licked his lips and begged for food. I gave him some of my powerbar, just like I use to do with my dog Crusher.

Hurricane Dean Approaching

2007-08-21T20:49:00.000-08:00

Everyone else is asleep, since we had a long night waiting on the storm to arrive. Per the forcast it was to hit landfall as a catagory 5 hurricane around 2:00am, and get to us around 5:00am. Since it has so much land to cover before it reaches us, it will downgrade into a catagory 2 hurricane, which is nothing sneeze at. Here it is 10:00am and the storm is sliding below us about a 90 miles south west and we are getting around 40mph gusts. It should intensify to 65 mph in two hours. The hotel will probably try and keep us in the hotel, so I am going to get out now to get some cool pictures and enjoy the howling wind, maybe some debre. Attached, is a photo of a palm tree outside of our hotel room window, which is taped with packing tape. The duck tape was already sold out in the stores.

Hunkering Down waiting out Hurrican Dean

2007-08-21T01:56:00.000-08:00

We were tired of packing and un packing this was the third hotel in 4 days, but we were happy to be out of the full strength of the storm. Even though we moved west and closer to the eye of the hurricane, it had a lot of land to cross and would change from a Catagory 5 to a 2.

The next day we went out an got more supplies and found some really cool fruit and vegetables. There was a fruit that is red and looks like a mini-pineapple. We are waiting for someone to try the first one, and it will probably be me.

Wal-mart was packed and the shelves were empty of duck tape and essential weather supplies. Batteries were no where to be found and alcohol was not being sold. The government deems it necessary to restrict the sale of alcohol and the residents need to go home and take care of their families. Even the resteraunts were not abel to sell alcohol. Well, we filled up the cart with the needed supplies - food and water for a few days. It was not to hard to get the supplies back to the room, since I took the shopping cart and wheeled it up to room. The storm has thank fully moved south and the rain bands are starting to drift in. The winds are picking up to 40 mph and people are going home early and getting off of the streets.
We will hunker down and wait out the storm at the hotel. To me this is the exciting part of seeing things flying through the air and all of the lightening and thunder, like Hurricane Andrew. I need to get some sleep before the main part of the storm gets here, because the wind is like a roaring train going by and thunder permeates everything. Back to the adventure of traveling to Mexico and wish me luck.

Merida Mexico

2007-08-21T01:39:00.000-08:00

We arrived at finally arrived in Merida, after a six hour bus ride. The city was facinating and a real Mexican city, which is what I really wanted to see on this trip, not a tourist trap like Cancun. The hotel was beautiful and the staff was professional and really helped us out. Somehow a king size bed was waiting for us and the four of us were not that good of friends and wanted to sleep all together in one bed. Man what a tight fit that would have been, so they gave us a two double bed room.
We were able to get out a little in the evening and the architecture here is old and beautiful. The wraught iron fences were works of art and the colors exploded off of the buildings.

Even the building Santa Cecilia, next to the hotel had its own style and uniqueness. The roads were narrow and full of character, even small ferral dogs and cats. The fences were interesting, where they had broken glass cemented on top to keep people from climbing over them.

Trip from Cancun to Merida

2007-08-21T01:22:00.000-08:00

The next day you could feel the excitement and intensity of the storm approaching. People were checking out of the hotels in droves and panic was written all over their faces. The airport was just a maze of hysteria and bedlam, thus we didn't even waste hours upon hours like yesterday trying to get a flight out. We got on the Presidente hotel private charter around 1:00pm Sunday Aug 19th. The roads were jammed and vehicals of all types and sizes were competing for limited space on the highways.

About half way to Merida, the air conditioning was starting to break down. It started getting hotter and hotter in the bus. Sweat was just poring off of us and finally the bus driver pulled over. The fan belt had become loose and they tried to get it fixed. Well, we didn't let it get us down and we were just happy we got out of dodge. After about 30 minutes, the winds started picking up and a rain band swung by us. It started lightening and thundering with large claps of energy and thunder. I didn't even mind the torrental down pour and stood out in the rain and let it wash away all of the sweat from my skin. It really was refreshing and you could smell the ozone being born in the atmosphere from all of the lightening strikes.

Evacuation from Cancun

2007-08-20T23:40:00.000-08:00

We moved to the Best Western Hotel across the street from the convention center for the main ISN-ASN conference, even though it had been cancelled because of hurricane Dean bearing down on us. It was a real solid concrete hotel that had ratings of up to Catagory 4 hurricane and I was willing to hunker down and wait out the storm.

My advisor, Kelly Drew, was staying at the Presidente and was told she needed to evacuate to a shelter or to Merida, Mx. The hotel would provide a bus to drive us from Cancun to Merida, a four hour bus ride. So, we started packing up our stuff and would leave the next day at 1:00pm. I went shopping for hurricane survival kit supplies, that I usually get for hurricanes while I lived in Florida. This was going to be a Catagory 5 and I had already been through a Catagory 3 for Andrew in Florida. I didn't have drinkable water or electricity for weeks last time and I was not taking any chances for a Catagory 5 hurricane, which at the time had maximum gusts up to 225 mph. The Saffir-Simpson hurricane scale truely putts the amount of destructive energy this storm was bringing to Cancun http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/aboutsshs.shtml

People were leaving in droves and per Mexian Immigration over 32,000 tourists left Cancun via flights out. We tried to change our flights and get out of the path of the hurricane, but everything was booked up. There were no buses out and the only way out was through the Presidente private bus to Merida.
The harbour was shut down and people were getting their boats out of dodge. The next morning the winds and thunderstorms started rolling in and you could smell and feel the panic building. The roads were full of cars and people were buying last minute supplies, which were severely limited. You could not find one roll of duck tape in the whole town. Red Green would have been lost with out a paddle and duck tape. Flashlights and batteries were being sold at rediculous prices.

Glutamate Receptor Conference Continued

2007-08-20T22:49:00.001-08:00

The type of different cultures and how they affected the type of science being done was also intriguing. I had just a few stories and adventures in Alaska that I have been through and I got to hear about other different cultures that are sometimes quite similar. Arturo Orega, conference organizer, asked me about the Equinoxs and was testing me by stating "was there only one or two in a year", but I was ready since in Alaska the sun is quite important and proceeded to answer correctly that there is two and we celebrate them, even the summer solstice with the midnight sun run. Another fellow presenter, C. Aquirre, told me about the mayan ruins and equinox story. How during the spring equinox at the mayan ruins a snake shadow appears. It was truely interesting and intriguing, such that I had a street artist produce this picture of a mayan ruin with a large setting sun in the background. It just seemed the right thing to do at the time and I videoed the making of the picture, even with the flame he used to dry the photo. Which after the hurricane I will try and get to post on you tube. It was truely a revealing and interesting conference even with the hurricane breathing down our necks we became friends and learn alot of new information and cultures.

Glutamate Receptor Conference Making New Intriguing Friends

2007-08-20T22:03:00.001-08:00

We had a nice small group of fellow researchers who entrusted interesting and stimulating information on glutamate receptors. The camaraderie was really intriguing and exciting. There was alot of new information that I had not known and disseminated about glutamate receptors, especially in astrocytes. My presentation on my Glutamatergic Synaptic Transmission was a big hit. I was pretty nervous since it was my first international conference talk. I got up there and just let it flow with the excitement I feel about my next research. Like my advisor Kelly Drew stated " I am the tour guide of Neuroscience" and it really fits what type of work I am doing with animation in neuroscience. I proceed to tell people about my continuing work with in the Imersa environment (holographic images) "Holodeck of Startrek Next Generation" and how my advisor is like John Luc Picard in keeping me on task and finishing my work. Everyone laughed at that one. The lunches and dinners were the best on learning about research being completed in different countries.

Cancun Pre-Satellite Meeting Glutamate Receptors

2007-08-20T21:11:00.001-08:00

Cancun is a beautiful resort town. The flight was long and arduous over 21 hours, but I didn't care once I reached this gorgeous place. The hotel Gran Melia was a magnificent five star hotel sitting right on the beach. The surf was wonderful and I body surfed for two hours in the four foot waves. The color of of the Gulf of Mexico - Atlantic ocean - was a brilliant turquoise and the sand was warm and soft.

Perseid Meteor Shower Bon Fire

2007-08-14T11:34:00.001-08:00

Perseid Meteor Shower Bon Fire in Alaska was not a complete bust because of the slight drizzel of rain. Alaskan ingenuity kicked in with a few minds around and we figured out a way to comply with mother nature. We took the tarp off of the wood pile and set up some poles with equal pressure from both sides. The rest of us were setting up the fire in the front of the house. Once the fire was going more people started arriving and it turned into another block get together on Sunday. There was a couple that was walking down the street and we invited them over. They just arrived in Alaska from Montana and came from a smaller town than Fairbanks, go figure. One is a chef and will be a great addition to our Sunday cook off. There is nothing like Alaskan hospitality and they really felt like they were at home. It seems we have added a few more people to our block get together. When I moved to Madcap Ln the neighbors were feuding with each other. Now we have Sunday bon fires and everyone brings a dish, with a tale or story.

Dr Beverly Crusher Life Well Lived

2007-08-09T03:41:00.000-08:00

How do you write about someone you loved? Per my ancestor let it flow. Words written during anguish and strife can not be rewritten but envisioned. Jefferson truely had a gift of writing with his soul. Whilst my true companion lies at my feet not moving, her spirit will live on through me and with me. Her love of adventure and having her head out the car window experiencing life, is what I need to do now. I have been at a cross roads and she has helped me bridge those roads. Life is but a fleeting glimpse of time and we need to live it fully. She has helped me truely enjoy life, like at our last outing together on Denali Mountain at the Great Gorge on Ruth Glacier. She loved the flight and running around on top of the world. Crusher helped me realize what life truly should be. It is not only a career, but also being able to share it someone and enjoying it with other people. Whom else is going share the experiences with you? If it is not a good life, when you are living in a vacuum. She was my traveling companion for 18 years and I will miss her dearly. Crusher gave a new meaning of the slogan "Life Live It". She was full of adventure, travel, and love. She was one "Cool Dog".

King Salmon Fishing Chitina Alaska

2007-08-03T16:25:00.000-08:00

We went King and Red Salmon fishing in the Copper River near Chitina Alaska. The trip was really cool. I caught one of my smallest Kings at only a paltry 22 lbs, but it still was hard to pull into the boat. We used Captain Kim charters and when we got there three guys walked up and told us they were there to help us "Girls" fish. I told them "Kiss My Grits" and then proceeded to catch the only King on the trip. It took them 7 passes in our fishing spot, before they could out fish us "Girley Girls". They found out not to challenge Alaskan Women on fishing, if you can't back it up. My friends Veronica Toppin,
Joanne Cooper, and me then caught our limit of 102 Red Salmon in two hours. Now, that is what fishing is all about!

1 Mile Lake near Chitna

2007-07-16T17:58:00.000-08:00

We went on a king and red salmon fishing trip last week, during Friday 13th. The regular campground Liberty Falls had been damaged during the fall last year and was closed, so we had to find a rough place to camp. In Alaska, you do not know what is going to happen next and you learn to go with the flow and listen to your instincts. We were tired from driving six hours from Fairbanks and really didn't want to drive to much further. My luck held out and we found a beautiful quite peaceful spot at 1 mile lake near Chitna around 11 pm. Twilight was just ensuing by the time we set up camp, and then around midnight there was a moose on the far side eating aquatic plants and two great horned owls were hooting melodically to each other. Therefore, I joined in. I can repeat alot of sounds and love to do bird calls. They usually think I am another bird and they come closer, thus being another intricate part of nature. The male flew overhead and landed on a branch only 1 meter away, which sagged under his weight. He started hooting quizzically at me and twisted his head around looking at me with his huge curious eyes. We stared at each other for a while and a weir cool thing happened. Our minds touched and raw emotion flowed through, that words can not justify. Trust me I hadn't been drinking or smoking. Beautiful moments can occur when you open yourself up to life.